Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
