I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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