Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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