turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
