What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
