we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
