Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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