Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
