I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
