I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
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Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
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Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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