and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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