I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
