who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
