whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
