4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Randomize
