Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
