We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
