I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
