yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
