there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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