My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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