mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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