i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
