Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
