She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
