I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
