All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
