Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
