so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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