a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
