no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
