I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
