Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
