I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
pray to the hookup gods
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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