I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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