i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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