Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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