when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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