I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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