Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
