spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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