I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
