i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
