I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
