I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
