I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I won't apologize to a one balled man
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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