Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
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I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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