Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
