im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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