We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
