Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
