He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
