THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
