idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
