Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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