just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
