highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
