I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
