where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
