I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
did i walk over a car last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Randomize