i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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