I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
