Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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