Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
