hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
