Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
North Korea, Best Korea!
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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