i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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