dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
