Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
