I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Your cock deserves a montage
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
