you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
