filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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