Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
