he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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