Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
